Working with the three states of mind of DBT

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In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the three states of mind refer to different ways people process thoughts, emotions, and decisions. These are:

1. Reasonable Mind (Rational Mind)

  • This is when a person thinks logically and analytically, relying on facts, logic, and reason.
  • It is useful for problem-solving, planning, and making objective decisions.
  • However, being in this state alone can make a person seem cold, detached, or overly rigid in their thinking.

2. Emotion Mind

  • This state is dominated by emotions, leading to impulsive and reactive behaviours.
  • Thoughts and actions are driven by how a person feels in the moment, rather than by logic or facts.
  • While emotions are important for passion and intuition, relying only on this state can lead to irrational decisions, emotional outbursts, or self-destructive behaviours.

3. Wise Mind

  • This is the balanced state between Reasonable Mind and Emotion Mind.
  • It integrates both logic and emotions, allowing a person to make decisions that align with both facts and personal values.
  • Wise Mind is often associated with intuition, mindfulness, and inner wisdom—it feels like "knowing what’s right."

In DBT, the goal is to cultivate Wise Mind, helping people make choices that honour both logic and emotions in a balanced way. Would you like some practical exercises for developing Wise Mind?


Personal Experience of working with a client with Bordline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Working with clients who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be both challenging and deeply rewarding. One particular experience stands out when I guided a client, whom I'll call Sarah, through understanding and applying the three states of mind in DBT.

The Challenge: Stuck in Emotion Mind

When Sarah first came to me, she was highly reactive and struggled with overwhelming emotions. She described frequent emotional outbursts, intense fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviours. She often made decisions purely based on how she felt in the moment—whether it was ending friendships abruptly, self-harming, or engaging in risky behaviours.

One session, she arrived in distress, having sent a series of angry messages to her partner after feeling ignored. She was distraught, anxious, and full of regret, convinced she had ruined the relationship. This was a clear example of Emotion Mind—her thoughts and actions were entirely driven by feelings, without considering the bigger picture.

Introducing Reasonable Mind

To help her shift perspective, I encouraged her to step into Reasonable Mind. We wrote down the facts: her partner had been at work, they had a history of returning her messages later, and her reaction was based on fear rather than actual abandonment. She resisted at first, saying, “But I felt like he was ignoring me on purpose!”

Rather than dismissing her feelings, I validated them—acknowledging how real her emotions were—while gently challenging her assumptions. Through structured DBT exercises, we explored how her emotional response clouded her ability to see alternative explanations.

Cultivating Wise Mind

Once Sarah could see the contrast between Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind, I guided her towards Wise Mind—the balance between the two. I asked, “If you could step back from both your emotions and logic for a moment, what would your inner wisdom say?”

After some reflection, she sighed and said, “I think I overreacted because I was scared. But I also know he cares about me. Maybe I should wait and talk to him calmly.”

This was a breakthrough. She was integrating both her emotions and logic, leading to a more balanced, mindful response. Over time, through mindfulness exercises and distress tolerance techniques, she learned to pause before reacting, recognise when she was in Emotion Mind, and access Wise Mind more easily.

The Outcome

While it wasn’t an overnight change, Sarah became more aware of her thinking patterns and started practising Wise Mind in daily life. She learned to self-soothe, evaluate situations more objectively, and trust her inner wisdom. This significantly reduced impulsive behaviours and improved her relationships.

Final Reflection

This experience reinforced the power of DBT and the importance of balancing emotions and logic. Teaching Sarah to access her Wise Mind was transformative - not just for her, but for me as a practitioner, reaffirming why I do this work.

If you interested in finding out more and even booking an appointment, please visit www.birminghamcbt.co.uk 

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