Introduction to NLP (neuro-linguistic programming)
Introduction to NLP
NLP is a user manual
for the brain
- If
you bought a car or new gadget you would expect a manual. You may be able
to guess how things work but that’s more trial and error....
- That’s
how we attempt to understand the brain..!!!
- Thankfully
the NLP innovators have figured it all out and can help us.
- Why
just become excellent by accident when you can do it quickly and easily
and with more guarantee of success.
Brief history of NLP
In the early 70’s Richard Bandler (a mathematician) and John
Grindler (a Linguist) got together to examine each others work. This was at the
From this work, NLP was born and comprises of the language patterns of the Meta Model, therapeutic change techniques, modelling skills, the trance methods of the Milton Model and others.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) studies the structure of how humans think and experience the world. From this we can create the opportunity for change. The map is not the territory is an excellent example; you map (or how you experience something) is not the same as another persons map of any given thing. All maps a naturally incomplete (generalised, deleted and distorted)
The Four Pillars of
NLP
- Rapport – The ability to build a good
connection and effective relationship with others
- Sensory Acuity - being able to
notice yourself in relation to another, being able to notice another's
behaviours and what is happening in a communication loop
- Behavioural flexibility – Ability
to do something different, to change what they are doing to get a
different result if that's what they want. Remember, if you keep doing the
same things, you’ll keep getting the same results.
- Outcomes - Know what you want to
achieve. Create precise, well defined and realistic goals. SMART goal
setting.
Rapport
On the initial meeting it is essential for the NLP practitioner
(YOU) to establish a rapport with the
other person or people. Rapport may be instant and also involves the
development of trust, as a result communication improves, the other party will
feel they are respected and therefore will be more responsive to the outcomes of
the communication. Rapport building involves a number of techniques in which
you have been trained such as sensory acuity, pacing and leading and matching
and mirroring. Representational systems (table below) are also observed and
used to enable you to communicate in the same manner as the other party in
order to help them achieve their outcomes. As a result of using
representational systems you will able to view the world in a similar way to
them, creating a greater awareness and understanding of where they are coming
from.
|
Representational
Systems – senses - modalities |
|
|
Visual |
Internal pictures,
visualising, day dreaming and imagining. |
|
Auditory |
Used to listen
internally, talk to yourself and rehear sounds and voices of others. |
|
Kinaesthetic |
Internal and
external feelings of touch and body awareness including balance and emotion. |
|
Olfactory |
Remembered and
created smells. |
|
Gustatory |
Remembered and
created tastes. |
Modalities are our representational systems (above) and
sub-modalities are examples of these systems eg:
Visual –
brightness, size, colour, distance, movement, focus
Auditory –
volume, tone, pitch, position, rhythm
Kinaesthetic –
touch, pressure, texture, temperature, weight, pleasure/pain
Taste/smell –
bitter, sweat, pungent.
Communication comprises of: 55%
body language
38%
tone of voice
7%
content – the words used
The art of listening becomes the first skill of NLP and
cognitive therapies. Learn to listen with all available senses; to be
acuity aware.
“Seek first to
understand then to be understood”
What we think we are saying, by using certain words, may not
be the same as what the other person understands from us. Conversely, what we
think we are hearing from the other person may not be what they think they are
telling us. This obstacle can give rise to misunderstanding.
The
The metal model is core NLP. This consists of surface
structure (what we say/show) and deep structure (what we believe/think). The
aim is to understand and access people’s deep structure rather than just deal
with the surface structure. To recover what has been generalised, deleted and
distorted in their map.
Sample Questions
¨ How?
What? When? Where? Who specifically?
¨ Who
says? According to Whom?
¨ Everybody?
Always? Never? Nobody? Nothing? All? No one?
¨ What
do you mean by that?
¨ Compared
to whom? Compared to what?
¨ How
do you know?
¨ What
stops you? What would happen if you could?
¨ What
would happen if you did? What would happen if you didn’t?
The Milton Model
This is often referred to as the inverse of the meta-model
because it is about being ‘artfully vague’ and using language persuasively.
Some examples of this are:
¨ Presuppositions
– Directionalise your language
You get what you ask for
¨ Embedded
commands
“you can begin to
appreciate NLP more now…”
¨ Small
words – but/and, try, why, yet
¨ Embedded
questions
“I’m wondering how much more
interesting this is for you?”
¨ Negative
questions
“Don’t think about…”
¨ Truisms
“As you sit there listening to
me, this is becoming so much clearer”
When we communicate we use these systems to represent our
view of the world. The key to effective communication is picking up on this;
having SENSORY ACUITY.
Next we need the BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY to be able
to change as needed to achieve the outcomes we want. Of course, these OUTCOMES
need to be clear and well formed.
Well formed outcomes
- Initiated
and maintained by the individual (you)
- Stated
in the positive (what you want not what you don’t want)
- Sensory
Specific – VAKOG
- Ecology
Check (impact on the environment/people around you)
Eye access cues
In the early days of their experiments with the techniques
they had modelled from Perls, Satir and Erickson, Bandler and Grinder noticed
that people tended to (a) use predicates which indicated whether they were
thinking in pictures, sounds, or whatever, and (b) that there tended to be a
positive correlation between the predicates used and the directions in which a
person's eyes moved. That is to say, when people used phrases like
"I remember seeing ..." their eyes tended to move up and right, from
the observer's point of view. If they said something like "I feel
really uncomfortable about that," the speaker's eyes would tend to move
down and left (from an observer's point of view).
From those observations the following "eye accessing cues" chart was
drawn up:
This helps you understand people’s representational systems and helps you communicate with them. As a bit of fun it can also helps you notice when people are telling lies.... great for kids and staff
Pacing
Simply put this means ‘acknowledging the other persons
perspective and world, and going along with it. Two examples are matching and
mirroring. If we copy (pace/match) some of the other persons responses, it will
give the illusion that we understand them. They will feel accepted and understood
even when you do not accept or understand them.
Remember this illusion is just a short cut to building
rapport when we need to move more quickly.
Matching
Examples of matching are: Breathing
Body
posture
Head
position
Tone
of voice
Language
These and others can be used to pace a person or group and
build rapport quickly. It can also be used to break quickly by purposely
mis-matching
The aim is to: Focus
attention
Increase
receptivity
Build
credibility and trust
Reduce
perceived differences
Empathetic responses can also help for example, “I can
understand why that is difficult”, or “you are angry aren’t you?” These plus
reflective listening are very powerful aids.
Leading
Two things are essential before you can lead: 1) You have established pacing
2)
You know where you are leading
This suggestible state allows you to lead people from their
present view to a new one, or new direction. This could be considered a
semi-hypnotic state, but remember we can not be lead to somewhere that is in
opposition to our belief system.
Ring of Confidence
Here is your chance to change a feeling. Maybe a colleague/client
(or yourself) is lacking motivation and comes to you for help. This is more
technically know as resource anchoring;
the aim is to bring a resource from their past and anchor it in the now. The
term comes from the idea that they will step into their ‘ring of confidence’
that you have just helped them create.
The overall aim of NLP in this context is to communicate
effectively with yourself and those around you to create an effective outcome.
Remember, ‘begin with the end in mind’
what is it you really want to achieve from this...??
Recommenced reading
Steven Covey’s Seven Habits
Richard Bandler’s Ultimate Introduction to NLP
Richard Bandler's Guide to Trance-formation
Richard Bandler’s Get the Life You Want: The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with NLP
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